We believe, attention and appreciation are two most important needs of any human being which helps him to survive and sustain into any relationship.
Extramarital affairs are more common than we think as almost more than 40% of all spouses become victims to infidelity. We are less likely to get divorced than to have an affair, says marriage expert and Christian psychologist Willard Harley. Frequently it is the “good girl or guy” who gets caught in a web of deception they vowed would never happen. Attraction most often begins with someone the spouse knows well and spends time with on a regular basis–frequently a friend or co-worker. The reason for this is that the people we are frequently with are in the best position to meet our important emotional needs. Conversation and affection are usually missing in the marital relationship when a spouse has an illicit encounter.
Dr. Glass have stated few myths about ectra-marital affairs after intrinsic research…
Myth: Affairs happen in unhappy or unloving marriages.
Fact: Affairs can happen in good marriages. Affairs are less about love and more about sliding across boundaries.
Myth: Affairs occur mostly because of sexual attraction.
Fact: The lure of an affair is how the unfaithful partner is mirrored back through the adoring eyes of the new love. Another appeal is that individuals experience new roles and opportunities for growth in new relationships.
Myth: A cheating spouse almost always leaves clues, so a naïve spouse must be burying his or her head in the sand.
Fact: The majority of affairs are never detected. Some individuals can successfully compartmentalize their lives or are such brilliant liars that their partner never finds out.
Myth: A person having an affair shows less interest in sex at home.
Fact: The enticement of an affair can increase passion at home and make sex even more interesting.
Myth: The person having an affair isn’t “getting enough” at home..
Fact: The truth is that the unfaithful partner may not be giving enough. In fact, the spouse who gives too little is at a greater risk than the spouse who gives too much because he or she is less invested.
Myth: A straying partner finds fault with everything you do.
Fact: He or she may in fact become Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful in order to escape detection. Most likely, he or she will be alternately critical and devoted.
It is been observed that , Sex is actually not the driving force in most affairs, in fact sex is the secondary thing in most of the it. What they appreciate the most about the relationship is the love and acceptance that is communicated in their conversation.
John Gottman, a premiere researcher in the dynamics of marital relationships, has a different view from conventional wisdom which says that conflicts slowly erode the marital bonds, and that teaching couples communication techniques on how to fight fair will lead to conflict resolution. While this maybe true in a small percentage of situations, but that “69 percent of all marital conflicts never get resolved because they are about personality differences between couples. What’s critical is not whether they resolve conflicts but whether they can cope with them.” It seems that fights and disagreements are intrinsic to all relationships, however it is couples who don’t let the fighting contaminate the other parts of the relationship that have lasting and fulfilling marriages. Focusing on the deeper values like friendship, listening, acceptance and a companioning together to forge life’s ups and downs are potent predictors of a couple’s commitment to the relationship. As long as those factors are intact, conflicts don’t drive people apart.
Now it is been proved that, basic needs a woman desires from her husband are: affection, conversation, openness and honesty, financial security and family commitment. For the man the needs most valued in a spouse are: sex, recreational companionship, attractive spouse, inviting home life and admiration.
Though these qualities are gender-specific, they can be interchangeable for some spouses. But we can say for sure, that every marital relationship has specific fundamental requirements and satisfaction of those definitely helps couples to stay in their marriage positively. Only attention and appreciation are not the only criteria for successful marriage but couples need to work on their relationship to maintain the charm of it.